We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
