I just made out with a guy for $7.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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