Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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