If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
