i don't like sucking hair
Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
