Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
