Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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