OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
