I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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