Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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