her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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