You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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