Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
