Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
