We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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