Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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