I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Panties = found
Randomize
