Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
