explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
