we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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