You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
