I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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