I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
