My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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