He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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