i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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