my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
