Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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