Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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