Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
