Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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