It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
