we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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