i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
