Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sext me about skeletons
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
