Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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