i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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