From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
