I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
