So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
