I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
