This girl is more easily done than said...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These tits shall not be calmed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
