Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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