everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
