Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
