If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
