I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
