If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
