I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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