I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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