textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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