At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
