i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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