were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
