9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize