You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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