so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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