you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
