I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
