Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
