woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
