Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
