took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
