Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
