I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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