I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
