You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
