The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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