we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
