"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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