rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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