your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
