Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
