Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize