It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
