I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i barfeds in our rink
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
try to milk me bitch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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