Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
