Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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