cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
