Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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