The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
